No, it's nothing to do with Lady Gaga, this time. This nightmare is that I've made improvements to Angel Odyssey and forgotten what they are. There's a story I heard about Lawrence Oliver. He was performing in King Lear and one night he was on fire. Incredible, incredible performance. One of his co-stars came backstage after the curtain call to find him weeping. Tears are just streaming down his face. The actor says to him, "Larry, what's wrong? You were amazing tonight, I've never seen you better." And Olivier says, "I know and it's gone. I don't know where it went."
I'm probably mangling the story but it gave me a chill then and now. The Muse had taken ahold of Olivier that night and raised him to the heights of his already-huge talent and then taken him higher. Then it left him. And he didn't know how to get it back. He didn't know what he had done to make that magic. And it was a stage performance, that performance could never be captured. If you missed seeing it, then you missed it forever.
The same thing happens to writers as well. The Muse seizes us and the words flow and flow. When that happens you don't want to leave, eat, go to the bathroom or anything. You will literally feel like physically attacking anyone who disturbs you when you're in that 'zone', that perfect moment of communion with your talent. And when it's gone, there's no getting it back. It's not a switch you can flip. All you can do is create the environment and circumstances to bring it back and slog on in the meantime.
At least with writers you have a physical record of what you did. Unless you forget to save it or lose it. That's what almost happened to me. No, I didn't lose the whole story to a computer backup (here's a hint, email yourself drafts of your story. Gmail has unlimited storage). But I discovered while editing chapter 1 for submission to a new critique group that there were some phrases missing. Words I knew I'd put in there that readers had really, really liked. But they weren't there in the latest draft of my story. So I ran downstairs and got the hard copies with feedback that I'd gotten months ago. There they were: the missing words.
I felt relief and panic. Apparently I'd made modifications to the story in the chapter I'd submitted for critique but I hadn't saved those changes to the main story. So I spent hours last night comparing drafts to the main document and making changes. And I still don't know if I successfully recaptured that magic that everyone loved because the words came out different when I tried to re-write them.
So, I have a new nightmare. That the words I write can be lost and the good things be lost forever. You can't write a story the exact same way twice. Because the story is different and so is the writer.
I'm probably mangling the story but it gave me a chill then and now. The Muse had taken ahold of Olivier that night and raised him to the heights of his already-huge talent and then taken him higher. Then it left him. And he didn't know how to get it back. He didn't know what he had done to make that magic. And it was a stage performance, that performance could never be captured. If you missed seeing it, then you missed it forever.
The same thing happens to writers as well. The Muse seizes us and the words flow and flow. When that happens you don't want to leave, eat, go to the bathroom or anything. You will literally feel like physically attacking anyone who disturbs you when you're in that 'zone', that perfect moment of communion with your talent. And when it's gone, there's no getting it back. It's not a switch you can flip. All you can do is create the environment and circumstances to bring it back and slog on in the meantime.
At least with writers you have a physical record of what you did. Unless you forget to save it or lose it. That's what almost happened to me. No, I didn't lose the whole story to a computer backup (here's a hint, email yourself drafts of your story. Gmail has unlimited storage). But I discovered while editing chapter 1 for submission to a new critique group that there were some phrases missing. Words I knew I'd put in there that readers had really, really liked. But they weren't there in the latest draft of my story. So I ran downstairs and got the hard copies with feedback that I'd gotten months ago. There they were: the missing words.
I felt relief and panic. Apparently I'd made modifications to the story in the chapter I'd submitted for critique but I hadn't saved those changes to the main story. So I spent hours last night comparing drafts to the main document and making changes. And I still don't know if I successfully recaptured that magic that everyone loved because the words came out different when I tried to re-write them.
So, I have a new nightmare. That the words I write can be lost and the good things be lost forever. You can't write a story the exact same way twice. Because the story is different and so is the writer.
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