Ahhh, finally. Got back into the Throne of Writing (tm) last night for some more read-aloud fun. I got almost to the end of Chapter 20. I paused before the end so I could mull over what was there.
I moved the second 'bathing' tease from chapter 18 to chapter 20. With a little trimming and a little polishing it fits in oddly well and serves to heighten the internal tension Jael is feeling. In particular, she's feeling desire, much more intensely than she's used to. And not Oskmey desire either, earthy, human emotions. It causes her some stress, I'm glad (?) to say. The move works particularly well, possibly, because chapter 20 has a bathing scene as well. That's why I paused.
The first bathing scene, chapters ago, is Jacob spying of Jael. The next, in chapter 20, is Jael spying on Balt. Then at the end of the chapter, Jacob and Jael end up...well, it's sounding a bit purient recounting it like this. In the context of the story, it works. I think. That's what I'm pausing about.
One thing I liked about Chapter 20 is you get a feeling of Jael's stress level. This time, it's not from threats outside, its from her own emotions, unchained. Oskmey are all about control. Becoming more human, thanks to her bond to Jacob, means control does not come as easily.
Honestly, I have mixed thoughts about how well I pulled that off this time. I hope it doesn't just come off as a big thunderhead of sexual tension. I guess I'll have to wait and see what readers think. It read pretty well, better than I feared but it's not quite right, yet. I'll look at the last few pages tonight and see how it transitions to chapter 20.
I moved the second 'bathing' tease from chapter 18 to chapter 20. With a little trimming and a little polishing it fits in oddly well and serves to heighten the internal tension Jael is feeling. In particular, she's feeling desire, much more intensely than she's used to. And not Oskmey desire either, earthy, human emotions. It causes her some stress, I'm glad (?) to say. The move works particularly well, possibly, because chapter 20 has a bathing scene as well. That's why I paused.
The first bathing scene, chapters ago, is Jacob spying of Jael. The next, in chapter 20, is Jael spying on Balt. Then at the end of the chapter, Jacob and Jael end up...well, it's sounding a bit purient recounting it like this. In the context of the story, it works. I think. That's what I'm pausing about.
One thing I liked about Chapter 20 is you get a feeling of Jael's stress level. This time, it's not from threats outside, its from her own emotions, unchained. Oskmey are all about control. Becoming more human, thanks to her bond to Jacob, means control does not come as easily.
Honestly, I have mixed thoughts about how well I pulled that off this time. I hope it doesn't just come off as a big thunderhead of sexual tension. I guess I'll have to wait and see what readers think. It read pretty well, better than I feared but it's not quite right, yet. I'll look at the last few pages tonight and see how it transitions to chapter 20.
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