Accountablity.  How it sucks. 

Well, I could make excuses about my commute home; how the bus engine caught fire and I had to wait to take another bus. How I was crammed in so my knees got banged up and bruised on that standing-room only ride.  I could tell you all how my computer freaked out again and I had to reboot it just as I was opening my draft for revision.  How tired I was and worn out after work. Those would all be true tales.

But behind that, is the fact that I chose not to dive into writing.  I, instead, started playing a video game and before I knew it...well, I knew it but I didn't stop...it was too late to get any work done.

That is all my fault.  I know better.  But knowing isn't doing.  I know what to do but I don't always do it.  I'm like Alice in Wonderland in that respect.

I was thinking about that today.  I will need a new laptop soon-ish.  I don't want to risk losing my work so I'm backing up to a thumb drive right now.  But when I get a new laptop, I'm not going to put any video games on it.  That's not going to save me from the internet and flash games and the like. But it might help.  It might help having a dedicated writing laptop that doesn't have all this extra distracting crap on it.  I can keep one laptop in the living room, for games.  And another for writing and writing only.  Or I can learn some fuckign self-disclipline.

Sigh. The war is never over, not for me.  I don't think it ever will be.  I will always be fight distraction and procastination.  But I WILL keep fighting because writing is...Well, I can't say its the first job I've ever had that I loved.  I haven't gotten paid for any of this so far. But I DO love it and you stick with the things you love.

I just wish I didn't also love video games.

P.S.  The game is Shogun

I was pretty wiped out after work yesterday. I got another chapter of Angel Odyssey edited...and I'm thinking I should probably cut the whole frigging thing.  I'll look at that tonight.  Hopefully I'll feel better after work.

I did not get any new story work done but in my head I'm mulling things over.  That usually results in productive writing time but we'll see.

I'd like to see if I can get the first draft of my next novel done during the month of July.  I don't know if that's possible but I'd like to try.  So, I'm going to try to bang out the short story in my head and then segue into novel #3.  What does this mean for Angel Odyssey?  I don't know. I want to get the bloody book finished but I also feel I need to keep writing as well.  I'll keep you posted on how that battle plays out.

I started a new short story last night.  I have the plot clear in my head but some of the details aren't flowing out right.  I got about 7 pages done but I'll need to go back and add more descriptive text, I have a feeling.

It feels very hard boiled in my head and I'm trying to update it to use contemporary dialog.  For some reason, that is coming off feeling wrong.  I can write contemporary street dialog, I did it fairly well in Smooth Running but this time it feels stilted and false.  Need to think on this.

Still, it feels good to be writing something new.  Hopefully I'll get this banged out in a few days and then get back to Angel Odyssey's final edit.  Time is just ticking away, I thought for sure I'd be working on my latest novel at this time.  I guess I haven't been as dedicated this year.  Grr.  Bad writer.  Still, we keep moving forward, maybe not fast, but we keep moving.

I got a little work done over the weekend, not a lot but considering most weekends I don't get any work done, this is a tiny victory.  The chapter with the second confrontation with the Sorcerer actually required very little editing.  Which means that I have a blind spot there. I'm so enthralled by my own story that I'm not editing it.  Oy.  Maybe I should submit just that one chapter to my writing group; but most of them aren't familiar with my novel (I've decided novels don't work so well for critique groups) so I think it would just confuse people.

I find myself sort of blocked up inside.  I know what the cure for that is, some uninterrupted writing time.  I need to just blow out all the blockages inside me and write, write, write.  It doesn't matter if it's good or not, I just need to do something.  Write something.

I did a little writing over the weekend and things did not flow well. That usually a sign that something inside me is holding me back.  I do have a couple of story ideas in my head and I think I'll write them instead of shoving them back behind editing and my next novel.  When inspiration strikes, always open the door.

And if you want to get a writer something, give them the gift of time...and a swift kick in the hinder to make them use it writing.

Another night of IM gaming.  Work exploded, so I didn't get any lunch break time for writing.  Rabble.  Instead, I'm going to try to balance my need to blow off some steam tonight with my need to get some frelling work done.

This is how deadlines slip.  Things happen and I, more often than not, don't make up the writing time.  I know this is something I have to do if I want to write professionally. And I do want to write professionally, more than anything else I've run across in my life.

Passion isn't enough.  It takes hard work, butt in chair time (or Throne of Writing (tm) in my case) in order to create.  It takes even more butt in chair time to polish it. 

I'm going to try again, a smaller goal: one hour of writing time EACH day.  If I can't do that I really suck.

Sorry for the brownout yesterday.  I was off with the wife last night and didn't get home until late.  I did get a little writing done, just noodling but I can probably use a few paragraphs of it. 

I've decided to write a 'hobby book', something for myself while I edit Angel Odyssey. I need to write every day, editing alone isn't feeding my creative side.  I don't expect this book to get published (too much sex and violence) but it should help me let off steam.


Tonight is IM gaming night, so no real writing tonight either.  But there's always lunch time.  I'll let you know what I got done, assuming work lets me have a lunch break.

Got another 20 pages edited, cutting out some of the honest, icky stuff.  Those parts of the story where Jacob is battling his lust for Jael are real.  If you've ever been close to the object of your desire, if you're a young man at least, thoughts go through your head and ideas that would get you slapped and beaten if they came out.  Except when they get you kissed.  However, my skills may not be up to protraying that honesty correctly.  All of my Alpha readers (who are mostly female) disliked all those icky, boy-thoughts.  So for this draft, I cut them out.

I don't know if they'll stay gone, though.  More and more, these edits feel like I'm cutting the heart out of the story as well as the dead wood and typos. 

I wrote a bit on sunday, about 5k words or so and I re-read part of it today to get some momentum for some fresh writing.  It was...well, I wasn't pleased.  Then I went back to the first introduction of this character...something I wrote maybe two years ago.  And that old stuff was GOOD.  Not perfect, but his voice was there and real and appealing. 

I'm guessing, remembering back, that I was writing from a place of pure inspiration.  At that time, I wasn't concerned with craft or all the other writing stuff that I've been reading this past year or so. I was writing for an audience of one. And it was good.

So I'm going to scrap what I worked on this past weekend.  I'll re-read my old stuff and start anew.  And later, when I'm finally done with this polished and mass-market-friendly draft, I'm going to go back to my first draft of Angel Odyssey.  And if the new version isn't better than the old, I'm going back to the version that I wrote when this story burned through my fingers and I sat in the Throne of Writing and ignored beautiful days to write.

I got another rejection letter over the weekend.  One more for the pile but again it was personalized enough to tell me why it was rejected.  I can't tell you how useful that is.  I have to send another story out tonight, I'm still trying to keep as many stories from April out there.  That got me thinking.

I did some good writing Sunday morning, which is becoming one of my most productive times of the week.  And I have editing to do tonight but the rest of the week, evenings are more or less spoken for.  I'm trying to decide what is the best use of my time.  The reason my latest story was rejected was it was told from a more distance 3rd person, storytelling style (A deliberate style experiment).  I know think I have an idea of what kind of stories "Beneath Ceaseless Skies" might buy from me. 

So, what would be the best thing to work on?  Should I write a new fantasy story that I could hopefully sell to a market I like?  Should I keep on my editing slog?  Should I get started on my next novel, which is clawing at me?

I really want to get Angel Odyssey in shape to send out.  I do think this is a book that could sell well.  I believe in it.  But it's hard.  I want to write something new and maybe apply what I've learned in the past year.

I'll mull on this and see what would be the best use of my time and momentum. 

Sorry for the lack of posting.  Yesterday I was wiped out, sick.  I’m better now, guess it was a 24 hour virus or I just pushed my body too hard.

 

I finished a couple more chapters of Angel Odyssey, long ones.  I’d forgotten I still had some of those 6k+ chapters after the opening two.  I’m continuing my trend of cutting internal dialog and then stressing about it.  I’m worried that I’m neutering my novel.  We’ll see, I guess.  It does help make my characters come off as less whiny when I cut the whiny parts, at least.

 

I also finished an unfinished novel that’s been sitting on my hard drive waiting for its last chapter.  Is it a great, timeless story?  No.  Was it a perfect ending?  No.  But it’s done and if I feel like editing it, I can now.  It’s a nice feeling, finishing something.  I wish I could wind up Angel Odyssey but I passionately want to get AO published, so I can’t just let it rest on its first-draft laurels.

 

Tonight, now that I’m healthy, we go back to editing.