Sorry for the late post. Work is fairly intense this morning and not my writing work.
I got back my first round of feedback on chapter 3. This is a chapter I knew needed work but the feedback was still more negative than I expected. Still, some suggestions were good, such as telegraphing the threats to come in later chapters. (I'm leaning towards Luther making an early cameo but I may also use Abrax) This is the first time we see Jacob at home and see his home from his POV, so I don't know if it needs to be slam-bang action but I think it can show some more drama: Jacob being basically 'leashed' might be his first hint that his impulsive offer to save Jael may have consequences. More layers. Every chapter needs to have layers and be about more than just one thing.
My intention was to have a couple slower, chapters after the first. That may be a mistake. Or not, reviewing something one chapter at a time doesn't always work. Sometimes a chapter needs to be considered in the context of the greater work. Still, it can and should be more interesting than it is.
On the one hand, I want to defend myself and say 'it's only a rough draft' but on the other, this is why I'm submitting rough drafts and not polished pages. I want to spot problems early so the later revisions can do double duty of fixing plot and language/detail.
One thing everyone like was Jael explaining where Oskmey and Elephant babies come from. So, that'll stay, the rest may be pretty radically rewritten.
I got back my first round of feedback on chapter 3. This is a chapter I knew needed work but the feedback was still more negative than I expected. Still, some suggestions were good, such as telegraphing the threats to come in later chapters. (I'm leaning towards Luther making an early cameo but I may also use Abrax) This is the first time we see Jacob at home and see his home from his POV, so I don't know if it needs to be slam-bang action but I think it can show some more drama: Jacob being basically 'leashed' might be his first hint that his impulsive offer to save Jael may have consequences. More layers. Every chapter needs to have layers and be about more than just one thing.
My intention was to have a couple slower, chapters after the first. That may be a mistake. Or not, reviewing something one chapter at a time doesn't always work. Sometimes a chapter needs to be considered in the context of the greater work. Still, it can and should be more interesting than it is.
On the one hand, I want to defend myself and say 'it's only a rough draft' but on the other, this is why I'm submitting rough drafts and not polished pages. I want to spot problems early so the later revisions can do double duty of fixing plot and language/detail.
One thing everyone like was Jael explaining where Oskmey and Elephant babies come from. So, that'll stay, the rest may be pretty radically rewritten.
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